How to make friends at work – and how they can help you succeed
Healthy friendships in the workplace can make for a happier and more productive environment
Healthy friendships in the workplace can make for a happier and more productive environment. Clinical Psychologist and Director of the Institute for Neuroscience and Education Rita Princi-Hubbard explains why and provides some important tips on how to get it right.
With studies showing that having healthy friendships at work can make us feel happier, more creative, and more productive, developing relationships with fellow workers sounds like a winning combination.
We are social animals. Good relationships are an asset for both mental and physical health
“We know that the brain can adapt through healthy relationships. For someone that comes from a stressful environment, healthy relationships can help to change the brain and make it calmer and more relaxed. As a result, the cardiovascular and metabolic systems improve, as do the immune system and our overall health, and we are better able to manage stress. ”
If good relationships are an asset, bad ones are an equal liability.
“Work is like school where we’re in a situation with others that maybe we wouldn't choose. If there are like-minded people who work well together and are respectful, that's healthy. But if we're in an environment where people are quite competitive at other people's expense, or don't have that same level of emotional awareness, that can create a hostile environment that will impact our wellbeing”
What kind of work friend can make us more successful?
A little like your family, you can’t choose your colleagues. We often work with people that on paper we have very little in common with. But, says Rita, this can often be a positive.
“Older people in the workplace may have very little crossover with a younger generation in terms of common interests, but both cohorts can benefit from forming friendly connections.”
Intergenerational work friendships can be an opportunity for learning and mentorship for younger people, and a chance to expand skill-sets for older workers.
Some studies show that intergenerational friendships can be more empathetic than connections with people of the same age and can also act to help break down cultural stigmas related to ageism.
“There’s a reason we’re now seeing kindergartens being built close to aged care facilities,” says Rita. “There are some real advantages to different generational friendships. Both cohorts would benefit from the mutual respect and perhaps start to feel more favourably to people from that generation outside of work as well.”
The rules to healthy work relationships
If you want to reap the rewards of healthy workplace connections, it’s all about boundaries, says Rita.
“People in a professional environment often have an agenda which can change over time. You need to make sure a workplace friendship won’t be used to influence workplace decisions on something like a promotion, and that it won’t change how you are seen as a leader, manager, or employee. Getting drunk with a direct report on a Friday night might make it harder for them to take you seriously the next time they’re late with a deadline.”
Rule 1 – Keep home and work life separate
If you’re catching up with a colleague, keep the conversation light. Avoid asking personal questions about health or relationships and don’t share those details yourself.
Rule 2 – Stay professional
Even in a social setting, if you’re with work people you need to maintain your professional persona. Drinking too much or oversharing could impact your credibility.
Rule 3 – Don’t gossip
The office can be a hot-bed of juicy gossip – don’t engage. Whispering about someone’s lackluster performance in a meeting or running down the CEO will diminish your integrity and potentially derail your team’s focus and commitment.
Rule 4 – Don’t play favourites
While you may inevitably like some people more than others, it’s important not to let that show. Including everyone in a lunch invitation or after work drink will help build a positive team environment for everyone and prevent toxic cliques from forming.
Are romantic relationships ever a good idea at work?
We will spend on average 90,000 hours of our lives at work (that’s just over 10 years).
Considering those numbers, it’s no surprise that more than 60% of us have had a romantic workplace relationship.
“It’s all good while it’s good,” smiles Rita. “The thing to ask yourself is what happens if and when it breaks down.”
While there are obvious risks to having friendships at work, those risks are greater when the relationship becomes intimate.
“There could be concerns over things like power dynamics and favouritism, down to staying professional and credible with colleagues. Reporting a relationship to your HR department is a safe way to keep things open and honest. They should be able to offer advice and support in how to tackle tricky situations should they arise.”
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In partnership with
Rita Princi-Hubbard
Rita Princi-Hubbard has been practising as a Clinical Psychologist for more than 20 years. She provides psychological therapy to children, adolescents, adults and families. She is also the Director of the Institute for Neuroscience and Education and has organised and presented at many Conferences nationally and internationally. Rita is currently completing her PhD with the University of Queensland linking together neuroscience principles with psychological theories in the educational setting. She loves learning to fly (and is lucky because her husband is a chief flying instructor!), spending time with her family and Hugo her pet Moodle.